Dante was way better at this

Seeing as how a great many people are convinced I'm going to spend eternity there, I was excited at work today to run into xeroxed excerpts of Alice Turner's The History of Hell. But apart from the too-awesome-to-be-made-up words "chivy" and "psychopomp," I didn't learn a whole lot of new stuff. There wasn't any actual description of the square footage, closet space, neighborhood, etc., just some vague teases from Marlowe's Dr. Faustus about a place "under the heavens...where we are tortured and remain forever." Well yeah, I knew that much, hon. I need details--average temperatures, commonly assigned repetitive tasks, recommended wails of attrition, things I can use. Back to the Inferno it is.